You know you're having a bad day
A black cat crosses you path and drops dead.
You put your bra on backwards and it fits better.
Your children's school calls to surrender.
Your bride's family throws rocks instead of rice.
Your blind date turns out to be your ex-wife.
Your income tax check bounces.
You call suicide prevention and they put you on hold.
Your boss tells you not to bother taking off your coat.
Your wife wraps your lunch in a road map.
Your pet rock snaps at you.
Your wife says,"Good morning Bill", and your name is George.
You call your answering service and they tell you it's none of your
Your dog ignores you.
You put both contact lenses in the same eye.
Your plants do better when you 'don't' talk to them.
Your twin sister forgot your birthday.
The bird singing outside your window is a buzzard.
You wake up thinking your water bed broke, then you realize you don't have
Funny Signs and Ads found around the
Sign on notice board: "For Sale: exercise bike good as
new. Please call Mrs. Stout.
Fourposter bed, 101 years old. Perfect for antique lover.
At a festival the band was playing away when the leader announced, "And
now, 'I'm in the Mood for Love.' Everybody on the floor.
In the classified ads: "Sewing-machine mechanic to work in
ladies' housecoasts. Good wages and working conditions."
"At yesterday's Columbus Day fair, a woman was bitten by a dog in the
In a Tokyo Hotel: Is forbitten to steal hotel towels please. If
you are not person to do such thing is please not to read notis. In another
Japanese hotel room: Please to bathe inside the tub.
In a Bucharest hotel lobby: The lift is being fixed for the next day.
During that time we regret that you will be unbearable.
In a Leipzig elevator: Do not enter the lift backwards, and only when lit
In a Belgrade hotel elevator: To move the cabin, push button for wishing
floor. If the cabin should enter more persons, each one should press a
number of wishing floor. Driving is then going alphabetically by national
In a Paris hotel elevator: Please leave your values at the front desk.
In a hotel in Athens: Visitors are expected to complain at the office
between the hours of 9 and 11 A.M. daily.
In a Yugoslavian hotel: The flattening of underwear with pleasure is
the job of the chambermaid.
In a Japanese hotel: You are invited to take advantage of the
In the lobby of a Moscow hotel across from a Russian Orthodox
monastary: You are welcome to visit the cemetery where famous Russian and
Soviet composers, artists, and writers are buried daily except Thursday.
In an Austrian hotel catering to skiers: Not to perambulate the corridors in
the hours of repose in the boots of ascension.
On the menu of a Swiss restaurant: Our wines leave you nothing hope
On the menu of a Polish hotel: Salad a firm's own make; limpid red
beet soup with cheesy dumplings in the form of a finger; roasted duck let
loose; beef rashers beaten up in the country people's fashion.
In a Hong Kong supermarket: For your convenience, we recommend
courageous, efficient self-service.
Outside a Hong Kong tailor shop: Ladies may have a fit upstairs.
In a Bangkok dry cleaner's: Drop your trousers here for best results.
Outside a Paris dress shop: Dresses for street walking.
In a Rhodes tailor shop: Order your summers suit. Because is big
rush we will execute customers in strict rotation.
Similarly, from the Soviet Weekly: There will be a Moscow Exhibition
of Aets by 15,000 Soviet Republic painters and sculptors. These were
executed over the past two years.
In an East African newspaper: A new swimming pool is rapidly taking
shape since the contractors have thrown in the bulk of their workers.
In a Vienna hotel: In case of fire, do your utmost to alarm the hotel
A sign posted in Germany's Black Forest: It is strictly forbidden on
our black forest camping site that people of different sex, for instance, men
and women, live together in one tent unless they are married with each other
for that purpose.
In a Zurich hotel: Because of the impropriety of entertaining guests
of the opposite sex in the bedroom, it is suggested that the lobby be used for
In an advertisement by a Hong Kong dentist: Teeth extrcted by the
A translated sentence from a Russian chess book: A lot of water has
been passed under the bridge since this variation has been played.
In a Rome laundry: Ladies, leave your clothes here and spend the
afternoon having a good time.
In a Czechoslovakian tourist agency: Take one of our horse-driven city
tours -- we guarantee no miscarriages.
Advertisement for donkey rides in Thailand: Would you like to ride on
your own ass?
On the faucet in a Finnish washroom: To stop the drip, turn cock to
In the window of a Swedish furrier: Fur coats made for ladies from
their own skin.
On the box of a clockwork toy made in Hong Kong: Guaranteed to work
throughout its useful life.
Detour sign in Kyushi, Japan: Stop: Drive Sideways.
In a Swiss mountain inn: Special today -- no ice cream.
In a Bangkok temple: It is forbidden to enter a woman even a foreigner if
dressed as a man.
In a Tokyo bar: Special cocktails for the ladies with nuts.
In a Copenhagen airline ticket office: We take your bags and send them
in all directions.
On the door of a Moscow hotel room: If this is your first visit to the
USSR, you are welcome to it.
In a Norwegian cocktail lounge: Ladies are requested not to have
children in the bar.
At a Budapest zoo: Please do not feed the animals. If you have
any suitable food, give it to the guard on duty.
In the office of a Roman doctor: Specialist in women and other
In an Acapulco hotel: The manager has personally passed all the water served
In a Tokyo shop: Our nylons cost more than common, but you'll find
they are best in the long run.
From a Japanese information booklet about using a hotel air
conditioner: Cooles and Heates: If you want just condition of warm in
your room, please control yourself.
From a brochure of a car rental firm in Tokyo: When passenger of foot
heave in sight, tootle the horn. Trumpet him melodiously at first, but if
he still obstacles your passage then tootle him with vigor.
More Funny Signs:
Sign In Bathroom Toilet Out Of Order. Please Use
In A Laundromat: Automatic Washing Machines: Please
Remove All Your Clothes When The Light Goes Out
In A London Department Store: Bargain Basement
In An Office: Would The Person Who Took The Step
Ladder Yesterday Please Bring It Back Or Further Steps Will Be Taken
In An Office: After Tea Break Staff Should Empty The
Teapot And Stand Upside Down On The Draining Board
Outside A Secondhand Shop: We Exchange Anything -
Bicycles, Washing Machines, Etc. Why Not Bring Your Wife Along And Get A
Notice In Health Food Shop Window: Closed Due To
Spotted In A Safari Park: Elephants, Please
Stay In Your Car
Seen During A Conference: For Anyone Who Has
Children And Doesn't Know It, There Is A Day Care On The First Floor
Notice In A Field: The Farmer Allows Walkers To
Cross The Field For Free, But The Bull Charges.
Message On A Leaflet: If You Cannot Read, This
Leaflet Will Tell You How To Get Lessons
On A Repair Shop Door: We Can Repair Anything
(Please Knock Hard On The Door - The Bell Doesn't Work)